Loyalty. It’s a simple word.
loy·al·ty
1. the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations.2. faithful adherence to a sovereign, government, leader, cause, etc.3. an example or instance of faithfulness, adherence, or the like: a man with fierce loyalties –noun,plural-ties.
Simple enough definition isn’t it?
It is an unspoken “rule” of life. At least in our lives. The more I think about this one word the more I see that it’s everywhere. Siblings show loyalties often with school yard bickering and taunting. When another sibling is being picked at, the other may step up to their defense.
An act of loyalty that was unspoken, yet acted upon. For a child it can come easy and so simply.
Yet as adults, that word for some can become so difficult. Shouldn’t it go without saying that as a wife you’ll be loyal each and every day to your spouse? I don’t think you should have to discuss it, yet in so many instances it seems that it not only is discussed but should be.
When I first began this post, I was talking to a few of my friends. One being Erin from over at Mrs. Cox’s Slice o’ Heaven, she said “It’s unspoken but it should be spoken about, it’s not enough just to “know” right from wrong. People need to actively work and make conscious decisions to be devoted to your husband. It’s a daily decision.“
As I told Erin, I feel as though I made that choice when my husband and I got married. We didn’t ask one another about loyalty, we obviously felt as though we were and are loyal to one another in our daily lives. I don’t recall actually having a conversation based on loyalty with him. Perhaps we did, and I only seen it as us chattering about things, not as a discussion of making that choice.
I have been to Erin’s site more than a dozen times. Yet today when I opened her site one of the first things that caught my eye was this. It’s located in her sidebar.“My husband has my heart, my daughter is my life, my family is my strength, laughter is my air.”
I asked my husband what the first thing was that came to mind with the word loyalty. He said honesty.
Erin said, honor and integrity.
I think of it as having morals, and being ethical.
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As friends, Joie and I know that the other is loyal in our friendship. To us, it goes without saying. Isn’t that the way a friendship should be. The way a marriage or any relationship should be.
The more I think about loyalty, the more places I’m finding it. I’m seeing it in places that are obvious and appreciated – yet overlooked. I see the lack of loyalty, or is it a lack of a ethics and morals? Could be a lack of self worth? Or just wanting greener grasses on the other side of the fence?
All in all, if a pet can display loyalty why can’t married adults?
Those that cheat on their spouses, lie, gossip and even spread vicious rumors, why is it a difficult task for them? Those that leave their spouse because they don’t make enough money each year, that walk away from their marriage and don’t look back for their own selfish reasons. Is it the lack of a basic animal instinct, or ignorance?
Tell me, what is your first thought with hearing the word Loyalty? Do you think it should be discussed, or that it should go without saying? How do you feel you are loyal in your daily life, tell me your thoughts.
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Rose this really hit me as I watched the convo on Skype (you know I lurk love!) and I have to say that loyalty seems to be a fading quality. I think some people do not know the true loving meaning of loyalty while others are loyal in the most dysfunctional manner. But I agree that lies and deceit and not staying true to your word is the worst possible offense. In a world that is driven by the internet and the next big thing who needs loyalty right? Great post!!
Rose, I think this is a wonderful, thought-provoking topic for a post. Like I said earlier – I think it boils down to making the choice daily. Perhaps some people just aren’t wired to be faithful? I think marriage takes work, it’s not all sunshine and roses – but in the end, I am choosing to be with my best friend.
Hopefully by respecting our vows & honoring our friendship — that will teach our daughter how love should work. But I also want to say it aloud. I chose him, for a reason. That will always hold true.
Thanks ladies. I of course don’t think marriage is a cake walk, it does take work, but it requires loyalty in many different aspects.
I think it’s more laziness and lack of care for other human beings. There are man reasons for divorce and most of them are due to one spouse not pulling their weight. whether it be sex, work, money etc there is no easy way out. Most of us have to work all of our lives and some are quitters.
Lacking loyalty, I feel, is not the depreciation of animal instinct or the over abundance of ignorance. It is how you prioritize aspects of your life that define your level of loyalty. You mention a spouse leaving for another to finding financial superiority with a grass is greener perspective. This is allowing ones greed to override their sense of loyalty, or lack there of.
What a spouse in this situation fails to realize that their greed for financial gain comes at a cost. That cost is betrayal to their husband/wife and their children as well. That person would, in effect, be putting their avarice above love of child and a sworn promise to their spouse. One decision has a remarkable effect on the portrayal of loyalty. If you were to draw it on paper, loyalty would be on a scale of 1 to 0. It is black and white, either you are loyal or you are not. And a promise to another, followed by a betrayal ruins your own sense of honor.
For me, loyalty is part and partial to my entire moral compass. Honor, integrity, honesty, loyalty, devotion, trust, charity; all of them point north and to deviate from just one would mean the whole compass will point in a different direction. Away from honor, away from integrity; because they are all related to morality.
It is very often that the first thing one thinks of when they think of ‘loyalty’ is the definition of loyalty within a relationship. Usually marriage. Being loyal means being faithful to either a person, group, belief, etc. An unswerving allegiance, no matter what. If you are loyal to a belief, then you can obviously extend that to a relationship. An example would be that you could be loyal in your belief to stand up for and stand with others. So you would stand up for or stand by your spouse, your significant other, your friends. It’s not easy, this loyalty thing. Just take a look at all the teenagers out there that have a bazillion friends and flit back and forth between them like the were sweets in a candy shop.
Which brings me to my next thought of, is loyalty something that is learned or is it something that only comes with wisdom? There are young people out there that are extremely loyal and there are 50 year olds out there that aren’t. Exactly what is it in a person that defines whether they are of strong enough moral character to BE loyal?
You know what here is the thing loyalty is not always marriage either. Jenine (Badger Momma) brings up a good point that there are teenagers that flit about, 50somethings that do the same and some 30somethings who do and do not. I think at the core loyalty is what we have been taught, what we have been shown in our lifetime. I know I have an unswerving loyalty to my family, even my dysfunctional, damaging family and I am much the same with my friends when in the face of bold disrespect to me I am still loyal. Where I think those that flit about are missing something within themselves or missing something period that they are searching, befriending all the people they can and then damaging those ties in search of an unfulfilled need.
But I think we all agree that loyalty comes down to choice, we make a choice, every day whether consciously or not. Life is about choices ALWAYS!
Well that’s my point Badger Momma, this loyalty thing really isn’t that hard. And what about being loyal to yourself?
Karie, what about those that didn’t flit about their entire lives, yet are now found “flitting”. If ya’ know what I mean.
Even though we have been taught the loyalty, and lived the loyalty what is it in ones self that they may let go of (so to speak) that causes them to lose that quality that’s sought after by so many and abused by others.
I agree, loyalty is a choice. Maybe it’s that choices handed my way are pretty easy for me to pick and choose from.